What's next... indeed.

I know that it has been a very long time since the last time I wrote an honest entry on this thing.  That's because after our IVF procedure was unsuccessful, we decided to take a break from all things fertility and baby-making related, and for me that meant this blog too.

Two weeks in to our little break, I finally began to feel like myself again.  It was very eye-opening to realize how stressed I truly was even though I was fairly good at convincing myself that I wasn't. 

During this time, I allowed myself to concentrate on the house that we're building, Josh's new job, and selling our current condo - things I felt like I had control over or could do something about.  I began to relax and enjoy life again. 

Eventually the weeks passed and I realized that I had not started my period.  I checked my calendar and it had been 5 weeks (which wasn't unusual) and then 6... I took a pregnant test, but it was negative.  The days passed and still mother nature hadn't called, so I took two more tests, both of which were negative as well. 

I waited a few more days, knowing that I wasn't pregnant, but eager to get my cycle started so we could try IVF again.  At this same time, I was also having some sharp pains in my ovaries that I began to worry about so I finally called Dr. Chantilis and scheduled an appointment for the next day.  At that point, it had been 7 weeks since my last period. 

When I explained the pain in my ovaries over the phone to my nurse, Melinda, she said it sounded like my ovaries were enlarged and that perhaps I had cysts in my ovaries which can prevent you from having a period.  She said they would do a sonogram to see what was going on and some blood work and then would give me a perscription to make me start my period.

When I went in, everything looked fine on my sonogram - uterus had a full lining, ovaries were not enlarged and there were no cysts in them; however, I did have a fibroid outside of my uterus, but it had been there all along and wasn't problematic.  After the sono, they took some blood and said they would call me in the afternoon with a perscription.

I went back to work and as promised, Melinda called me around 2:30pm.  I casually answered the phone with a "what's up?".  Wednesday, August 25th:  that was the moment that has changed my life...

Referrals to me, from me to you

One thing about fertility is all of the solicited (but mostly unsolicited) advice and referrals you receive.  Lot's of people referred me to other doctors each time a procedure failed for us.  I thought that some were very helpful and thought I would pass them on... just, you know, just in case...

My Doctor:
Dr. Samuel J. Chantilis
Texas Fertility/IVF Clinic
5477 Glen Lakes Dr
Dallas, TX  75231
(214) 363-5965
www.dfwivf.com

Other doctors I was referred to:
Dr. Brian Barnett, Reproductive Endocrinology & Infertility
6124 W Parker Rd, Suite 334 Bldg 3
Plano, TX  75093
(972) 981-8700

Dr. James Douglas
IVF of Plano
Medical Office Building 2
6300 W Parker Rd #G28
Plano, TX  75093
(972) 612-2500
http://ivfplano.com

Acupuncturist:
Dr. Lin Zhou
L.Ac. FABORM
Acupuncture of Alternative Medicine of Dallas
Richardson Medical Park
375 Municipal Dr., Suite 136
Richardson, TX  75080
(972) 671-6688
http://www.acupuncture-dfw.com

Maybe one of these professionals will work for you or someone you know...

So... what's next???

Good question.  Wish I knew the answer. 

All I know is that at this moment, today, I'm glad I don't have to think about it.  I'm still not ready to go back to Dr. Chantilis, or any other doctor for that matter.  And I know I'm not ready to start the adoption process either.  Mentally and emotionally I'm not ready, not to mention financially. 

So where does that leave us?

Thinking that we might be a childless family... and I'm okay with that. 

Am I?

I'm beginning to see the light again

It's been rough to say the least.  The past couple of weeks have been emotionally draining, but I'm finally beginning to see the light again.  I'm starting to feel like myself again and feel like this break was essential. 


Two days after I found out that IVF #1 didn't work, we met with Dr. Chantilis.  I did not want to go, but Josh was insistant that we try to understand what went wrong.  At that point I was feeling not only extremely sad, but also extremely angry.  Angry at God, my body, Dr. C, my lucky sisters and friends - basically everyone and everything. 


When Dr. C walked in, he was as disappointed as we were.  He said that he was "shocked" that it didn't work and for a number of reasons.  He went over each and every step of the process with us - really took his time.  In the end he told us to keep trying and that "we would eventually" get pregnant. 

Here's to hope...

Life just isn't fair

Well, some of you may have already heard, but our IVF did not work and I did not get pregnant.  Needless to say both Josh and I are incredibly disappointed and heartbroken. 

It's not something that we are ready to discuss either.  I need time to grieve and heal. It's painful, heartbreaking, disappinting, and truly tests my faith.  At this point, I am not sure where we're going to go from here. 

Heddy, party of ___

We finally have a "real" picture of our baby(ies).  Aren't they cute?!  To me, they are the most precious things I've seen in a long time...

What we're looking at here are the two embryos that we had transfered in to my uterus.  The embryo on the left was rated "Excellent" and the one on the right was rated "Good" or "Above Average". 

Embroys A & B both have a blastocyst. A blastocyst has an inner group of cells which will become the fetus and later the newborn. 

Embryo A has an outer shell of cells called the trophoblast which will "become the membranes that nourish and protect the inner group of cells" or the placenta.  Embryo B's trophoblast is in the process of forming and would have been complete if this picture was taken later in the day.

I pray "WHEN" one or both of these embryos implants, then this will be the first picture of my baby or babies.  An embryo only a mother could love.  :)

Our little embryos

Today I got a picture of our little embryo as it grows and matures in it's warm and cozy Petri dish.