How can you help?

How Can I Help Someone I Love Suffering From Infertility?


If you know someone who is having difficulty starting a family, understand that they need you. I can't tell you what they need, except to know that you are there for them unconditionally. Your relationship will likely be a little bumpy for a while. Heck, it might be a lot bumpy. You must take it upon yourself to single-handedly keep the relationship alive. Touch base often, and make time to hang out (even if you have to drag them, kicking and screaming the whole way). If you have kids, leave them at home -- your joy is their heartbreak. And realize that quality, one-on-one time is far better than big, blowout parties.


Resist that natural human tendency to "keep score." It doesn't matter if you've called them 10 times in row and they haven't reciprocated. They probably don't have the strength. Like I mentioned before, you're entering a stretch of time in which you may have to do all of the work. Hopefully, the day will never come when it's their turn to do the same. But if it does, you can bet they'll be there for you.


At least once a week, you also need to ask specifically about their infertility and how things are going. I know: "Infertility" is a scary word to vocalize, but do it anyway. Maybe they won't want to talk about it. Respect that. But maybe they need to vent. Listen and be supportive; that alone will go a long way.


Finally, I want to encourage you to be persistent. This isn't a grief that gets easier with time. It gets harder. The longer they go through this, the more painful it will become and the more they will need you.


“When someone you know is overwhelmed by life, confronted by obstacles that are a little too heavy to carry alone, it’s easy to feel unsure of how to respond. That’s the time to remember it’s not what you do, but that you do something. Often, we don’t realize that what may seem like a small gesture or an insignificant act to us can actually make a meaningful difference in someone’s life. There are no perfect words, no perfect gestures. Simply reach out and touch someone’s heart. Be brave, be a little more generous, be kind.” ~Gwyneth Paltrow

Resource:
http://www.wfsb.com/health/10489743/detail.html

Will we go on?

Many couples dealing with fertility issues keep it to themselves. Some people see it as a private matter they are uncomfortable discussing with their family  and friends.  And then there's me... I have a blog that updates those that are interested and anyone in the world that googles IVF/IUI. 

Personally it helps me "journal" my thoughts and gets them off my chest in a way that talking doesn't.  It allows me to put things down in writing that I can't always express the way I intend to verbally.  In fact, when I've gone a few days without writing this, I'm constantly thinking about what I should write about next.  What should I or shouldn't I divulge?  What is too personal and what is PG?  At what point do I say "that's enough" and take back my personal struggle and desist from writing this blog?  Is this helping anyone besides me by getting stuff off my chest or is it just another voyeuristic way to peek inside my life? 

Since I'm not sure that I'm ready to give up this blog, I'll share with you some information I found recently that I think is interesting:

*  Studies show that infertility can cause the same degree of stress as a diagnosis of cancer, HIV or a heart attack. We generally share these other critical life events with those close to us and, because of that, usually receive the support and understanding we need to get through those tough times. Fertility patients miss out on that love and understanding when they don’t share their struggle. In fact, many fertility patients have the extra burden of dealing with thoughtless, unwelcome comments and questions related to their “childless” status.

*  Infertility is NOT an inconvenience; it is a disease of the reproductive system that impairs the body's ability to perform the basic function of reproduction.

Please remember these two facts when dealing with or coming across those that are struggling with infertility.  Those of us living through it can tell the whole world what's going on, but believe me, you still feel very alone.  Reach out to those going through it with an encouraging word, a shoulder to cry on, a hug, and/or an ear.  You don't have to say much (except encouragement).  Just knowing that you care makes a world of difference. 

Resources:
Freedom Fertility http://blog.freedomfertility.com/
American Society for Reproductive Medicine http://www.asrm.org/detail.aspx?id=2322

33rd time isn't a charm either.

That's right... for the 33rd time since we've been trying to get pregnant, I started my period.  I was 35 when we started and in four short months I'll be 39. 

I called the nurse to let her know that I started and she said Dr. C wants to do another round of shots with clomid and IUI.  Of course he did.  It hasn't worked yet, so let's just keep trying something that DOESN'T WORK.  I don't get it.  I know that I had a good response to the shots, but here are the facts:

1.  I am almost 39 years old and my statistics are not getting better, only worse
2.  I am almost at my LIFE TIME limit that insurance covers for fertility ($20,000 for a lifetime) - 100% of the rest after that is out-of-pocket
3.  I am almost at my limit for my LIFE TIME medicine coverage ($5.000 for a lifetime) - again 100% of the rest after that is out-of-pocket*

*When you do IVF, you take shots 3 times per day for 14-16 days.  The shots I took for IUI cost us $200 out-of-pocket and that was once a day for 5 days, so you can imagine how much it will cost for IVF and that's just for SHOTS.  We haven't even covered the actual IVF procedures.

Josh is unemployed so what is the best decision for us? Do IVF while we still have a little bit of insurance coverage left or take our chances with the less expensive, but so far ineffective IUI? 
I'll take ANY advice and ALL prayers anyone has...

Isolating? Who me?

I realize that as you might read this you can tell in each blog that I am either "up" or "down".  Today is definitely a "down". 

Recently I've been feeling myself isolating from my friends and family because it seems that each time I'm around them, I find out about another lucky lady that is pregnant.  I don't go a week without the joyous news that one of my sisters, friends and cousins are pregnant.  Don't get me wrong, I'm happy for them and hope that they have easy pregnancies and healthy babies - I would never want anything else for them, but selfishly I'm dying inside and the depression that follows is pretty devastating.  In fact, for Mother's day, I couldn't even leave the house.  Selfish I know, but that's where I am.  I feel like the world's worst person.  Is that why I can't have a baby?

This has been a hard week.  Today my husband lost his job for the second time in as many years.  Here we are in our 7th round of fertility, building a house, and selling our existing house when he loses his job.  When I found out, I began crying uncontrollably at my desk and my boss told me to "go home, clean myself up and come straight back because I don't want to lose my job too". 

But that's exactly what I did.  I guess being at home with Josh right now isn't going to fix anything.

What does that mean for all that we've been working for?  Only time will tell, but I wish I could crawl in bed under the covers and come back out when things are good.

Was it to be or not to be? That is the question.

I was doing a little online pregnancy research yesterday, specifically what you can and cannot eat while pregnant and here is what I found out:

The American Pregnancy Association states that women that are pregnant should avoid:

•      Deli Meats*
•      Fish with Mercury
•      Smoked Seafood*
•      Fish Exposed to Industrial Pollutants
•      Raw Shellfish
•      Raw Eggs
•      Soft Cheeses*
•      Unpasteurized Milk*
•      Pate*
•      Caffeine
•      Alcohol

The items that have an asterisk can all contain listeria which has the ability to cross the placenta and may infect the baby leading to infection or blood poisoning, which can be life-threatening. 

That prompted me to start thinking about the things I consumed when I was pregnant last year.  At the time, I didn't know I was pregnant and Josh and I went on a 10 day vacation through the Northeast.  We went to Maine, New Hampshire, Vermont, Rhode Island and Massachusets.  The entire trip was a feast of fresh lobster, shrimp, fish, oysters, muscles and crab not to mention sandwiches and alcohol. 

Considering that I ate copious amounts of seafood/fish and drank like one, could that have been a contributing factor to the loss of our baby?  I miscarried 6 days after we got back.  I'll never know the answer to that question, but you can guarantee that all of the items on that list are now officially off my diet!   You know... just in case...

http://www.americanpregnancy.org/pregnancyhealth/foodstoavoid.html

A Charm? We'll see...

I had my third IUI this past Saturday and it went really well.  Dr. Thomas did the procedure and she was amazing!  I wish she was my doctor - she took the time to go over all of Josh's sperm count results and walked us through the entire procedure step-by-step even though we had done it two times before.  Dr. Chantilis just does his thing and then asks if we have any questions.  She acted like she had all the time in the world too. 

I had a lot of eggs and I ovulated exactly on time (later that day), so it appears that this might be our most promising IUI yet.  I've been really crampy and bloated and she said that it to be expected.  I go back for my blood pregnancy test on Friday, May 14th so I'm looking forward to that! 

I'm feeling really good about things... In fact, Josh and I had discussed taking some time off after this round if we weren't successful this time, but since I finally responded well to my drug combination, maybe we'll give it another go.  I'm feeling optimistic.

Come on little guys, make Mama proud!