Isolating? Who me?

I realize that as you might read this you can tell in each blog that I am either "up" or "down".  Today is definitely a "down". 

Recently I've been feeling myself isolating from my friends and family because it seems that each time I'm around them, I find out about another lucky lady that is pregnant.  I don't go a week without the joyous news that one of my sisters, friends and cousins are pregnant.  Don't get me wrong, I'm happy for them and hope that they have easy pregnancies and healthy babies - I would never want anything else for them, but selfishly I'm dying inside and the depression that follows is pretty devastating.  In fact, for Mother's day, I couldn't even leave the house.  Selfish I know, but that's where I am.  I feel like the world's worst person.  Is that why I can't have a baby?

This has been a hard week.  Today my husband lost his job for the second time in as many years.  Here we are in our 7th round of fertility, building a house, and selling our existing house when he loses his job.  When I found out, I began crying uncontrollably at my desk and my boss told me to "go home, clean myself up and come straight back because I don't want to lose my job too". 

But that's exactly what I did.  I guess being at home with Josh right now isn't going to fix anything.

What does that mean for all that we've been working for?  Only time will tell, but I wish I could crawl in bed under the covers and come back out when things are good.