I read this blog today and thought I would share as well. This is good information for the men in our lives that are also affected by the diagnosis of infertility.
But first, I know that in my personal life, I have let Josh know time and time again that I am the one going through everything and yet I forget to think about and acknowledge his role in all of this and how it might affect him. He has been AMAZING throughout this entire process with his optimism, reliability, and thoughtfulness and yet I rarely think about how he feels. For example, when I would get sad/envious about hearing that another lucky family was pregnant, he would always tell me that he felt the same way. And still I would blow him off.
Josh, if/when you read this, I want you to know that 1) I appreciate all that you have done for us/me throughout this process - especially always being available to give me my shots, reminding me about my shots, preparing and administering my shots, going to my sonograms with me, asking questions, and overall being so positive. 2) I'm sorry I haven't asked you how you are and asked what I could do for you. I promise that going forward I will refer to "us" and "you" and not just "me". I couldn't (literally) do this without you!
Yesterday was Father's Day and we spent the entire day entertaining my 7-year old niece, Aidyn and not once did I thank you for being a good father to our children (dogs Scooter & Bailey) nor did I think about how you might be sad that you weren't with your father and/or that you want to be a father and it's been such a struggle for us. Well, I know it's not Father's Day any more, but I want you to know that you ARE the most amazing man, WILL be the most AMAZING father and I am the LUCKIEST girl on earth to be trying to make a baby (babies) with YOU! Happy Father's Day, Josh! Next year our baby (babies) will be wishing it for me! xoxo
Male Fertility
By By Gina Paoletti-Falcone, RN, BSN
"This (past) Sunday is (was) Father’s Day, a day to acknowledge the important men in our lives for their unique contributions to our sense of family. Like Mother’s Day, this is a day that can be poignantly difficult for those struggling with infertility. Family gatherings focusing on fathers and grandfathers can make for some uncomfortable family dynamics, especially if your family isn’t aware of your diagnosis.
I think we sometimes forget that in the midst of infertility guys have feelings, too. During treatment they are sometimes relegated to the role of “sperm source” for an IUI or IVF procedure and we just hope they can produce on demand. If they have difficulty it’s like “Really! Come on…how hard is this, it’s all you have to do!” I’m sorry to admit that I have had this insensitive thought when I contrast what women go through in the course of a treatment cycle (injections, blood draws, ultrasounds and yet another speculum in the vagina with some kind of catheter going through the cervix) with asking a man to masturbate to produce a semen sample.
Men tend to be quiet when it comes to expressing their feelings so we may assume that they aren’t feeling much of anything. I am willing to bet that Father’s Day is hard when you want to be a father and are working very hard to make it happen to then come up against the wall called infertility. Most of the emotional support that we provide targets women because we see them more frequently and are sensitized to the impact infertility has on them because they talk about it (a lot). Men often take the stance that they have to be strong and not let on how devastating the whole infertility experience is for them as well. Most of them dream of pitching baseballs, throwing footballs or shooting pucks with a son who looks a lot like them. Most of them feel a sense of responsibility to carry on their family name by producing a son. Most of them want to be dads every bit as fervently as their wives want to be moms. Most of them don’t talk about it……
If you are a guy reading this, I commend you on taking an active part in your treatment and I hope you accept my apology for my insensitivity when it comes to masturbating. And if you are “the girl” share these tips to get through tough times from “In the Know: What No One Tells You About Male Infertility”.[1]
Take Control: educate yourself, understand the process as best you can by asking questions at the doctor’s office and learning more through websites such as FertilityLifeLines.com, SSMR.org and ASRM.org.
Find a way to blow off steam: Do something to get your blood pumping and shake off those thoughts of self doubt. Work out. Shoot hoops. Go running. When you release stress this way you also release endorphins and might even give your libido a boost.
Have the difficult conversation: We know that men and women communicate differently, but infertility is something you have to deal with together. Be open to talking about infertility. You need to tell your partner when you want to talk and when you want to vent. Try some of these as opening lines:
“What I need from you to get through this is…”
“What can I do to support you?”
“What are we willing to tell our family and friends?”
“How do you want me to handle it if my family is pushing us for answers?”
Give your partner some TLC: Acknowledge the stress of the situation and assure her that you are in this together. You can’t take the pain away, but just being there will help. Let her talk, cry and share her feelings. Surprise her with flowers or plan a date night or weekend getaway. Have sex for the pleasure of it. It will remind her – and you – that you were a couple before you wanted to have a baby and you’re still one.
Get support: This is a lot to deal with, so if you need to talk to someone, that’s okay. There are a lot of great support groups and counselors out there. Ask your nurse where you can get help if you need it.
And finally, remember that this infertility thing will not go on forever. You will come to a resolution one way or another given time and perseverance. When all is said and done, you should have faith that you will be a dad someday, somehow."
http://blog.freedomfertility.com/
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