Heddy, party of ___

We finally have a "real" picture of our baby(ies).  Aren't they cute?!  To me, they are the most precious things I've seen in a long time...

What we're looking at here are the two embryos that we had transfered in to my uterus.  The embryo on the left was rated "Excellent" and the one on the right was rated "Good" or "Above Average". 

Embroys A & B both have a blastocyst. A blastocyst has an inner group of cells which will become the fetus and later the newborn. 

Embryo A has an outer shell of cells called the trophoblast which will "become the membranes that nourish and protect the inner group of cells" or the placenta.  Embryo B's trophoblast is in the process of forming and would have been complete if this picture was taken later in the day.

I pray "WHEN" one or both of these embryos implants, then this will be the first picture of my baby or babies.  An embryo only a mother could love.  :)

Our little embryos

Today I got a picture of our little embryo as it grows and matures in it's warm and cozy Petri dish.

 

Father's Day ~ Hard for the Trying-to-Be Guys Too.

I read this blog today and thought I would share as well.  This is good information for the men in our lives that are also affected by the diagnosis of infertility. 

But first, I know that in my personal life, I have let Josh know time and time again that I am the one going through everything and yet I forget to think about and acknowledge his role in all of this and how it might affect him.  He has been AMAZING throughout this entire process with his optimism, reliability, and thoughtfulness and yet I rarely think about how he feels.  For example, when I would get sad/envious about hearing that another lucky family was pregnant, he would always tell me that he felt the same way.  And still I would blow him off.

Josh, if/when you read this, I want you to know that 1) I appreciate all that you have done for us/me throughout this process - especially always being available to give me my shots, reminding me about my shots, preparing and administering my shots, going to my sonograms with me, asking questions, and overall being so positive.  2) I'm sorry I haven't asked you how you are and asked what I could do for you.  I promise that going forward I will refer to "us" and "you" and not just "me".  I couldn't (literally) do this without you!

Yesterday was Father's Day and we spent the entire day entertaining my 7-year old niece, Aidyn and not once did I thank you for being a good father to our children (dogs Scooter & Bailey) nor did I think about how you might be sad that you weren't with your father and/or that you want to be a father and it's been such a struggle for us.  Well, I know it's not Father's Day any more, but I want you to know that you ARE the most amazing man, WILL be the most AMAZING father and I am the LUCKIEST girl on earth to be trying to make a baby (babies) with YOU!  Happy Father's Day, Josh!  Next year our baby (babies) will be wishing it for me!  xoxo

Male Fertility
By By Gina Paoletti-Falcone, RN, BSN

"This (past) Sunday is (was) Father’s Day, a day to acknowledge the important men in our lives for their unique contributions to our sense of family. Like Mother’s Day, this is a day that can be poignantly difficult for those struggling with infertility. Family gatherings focusing on fathers and grandfathers can make for some uncomfortable family dynamics, especially if your family isn’t aware of your diagnosis.

I think we sometimes forget that in the midst of infertility guys have feelings, too. During treatment they are sometimes relegated to the role of “sperm source” for an IUI or IVF procedure and we just hope they can produce on demand. If they have difficulty it’s like “Really! Come on…how hard is this, it’s all you have to do!” I’m sorry to admit that I have had this insensitive thought when I contrast what women go through in the course of a treatment cycle (injections, blood draws, ultrasounds and yet another speculum in the vagina with some kind of catheter going through the cervix) with asking a man to masturbate to produce a semen sample.

Men tend to be quiet when it comes to expressing their feelings so we may assume that they aren’t feeling much of anything. I am willing to bet that Father’s Day is hard when you want to be a father and are working very hard to make it happen to then come up against the wall called infertility. Most of the emotional support that we provide targets women because we see them more frequently and are sensitized to the impact infertility has on them because they talk about it (a lot). Men often take the stance that they have to be strong and not let on how devastating the whole infertility experience is for them as well. Most of them dream of pitching baseballs, throwing footballs or shooting pucks with a son who looks a lot like them. Most of them feel a sense of responsibility to carry on their family name by producing a son. Most of them want to be dads every bit as fervently as their wives want to be moms. Most of them don’t talk about it……

If you are a guy reading this, I commend you on taking an active part in your treatment and I hope you accept my apology for my insensitivity when it comes to masturbating. And if you are “the girl” share these tips to get through tough times from “In the Know: What No One Tells You About Male Infertility”.[1]

Take Control: educate yourself, understand the process as best you can by asking questions at the doctor’s office and learning more through websites such as FertilityLifeLines.com, SSMR.org and ASRM.org.

Find a way to blow off steam: Do something to get your blood pumping and shake off those thoughts of self doubt. Work out. Shoot hoops. Go running. When you release stress this way you also release endorphins and might even give your libido a boost.

Have the difficult conversation: We know that men and women communicate differently, but infertility is something you have to deal with together. Be open to talking about infertility. You need to tell your partner when you want to talk and when you want to vent. Try some of these as opening lines:

“What I need from you to get through this is…”
“What can I do to support you?”
“What are we willing to tell our family and friends?”
“How do you want me to handle it if my family is pushing us for answers?”

Give your partner some TLC: Acknowledge the stress of the situation and assure her that you are in this together. You can’t take the pain away, but just being there will help. Let her talk, cry and share her feelings. Surprise her with flowers or plan a date night or weekend getaway. Have sex for the pleasure of it. It will remind her – and you – that you were a couple before you wanted to have a baby and you’re still one.

Get support: This is a lot to deal with, so if you need to talk to someone, that’s okay. There are a lot of great support groups and counselors out there. Ask your nurse where you can get help if you need it.

And finally, remember that this infertility thing will not go on forever. You will come to a resolution one way or another given time and perseverance. When all is said and done, you should have faith that you will be a dad someday, somehow." 



http://blog.freedomfertility.com/

When a man and a woman love each other very much…

What I was taught as a child and teenager about how to make a baby, in my experience, couldn’t be further from the truth! Here is my revised version of the modern day birds and the bees…

He gently shakes her shoulder, whispers "wake up, darling" and gives her a light kiss on the cheek. She smiles sleepily as he draws the covers back, revealing her rumpled pajamas.  She curls up in a ball and protests, but he whispers, "shhh". 

Gently he pulls up her pajama top, revealing her taught stomach and lightly brushes her lower belly with his fingers.  He begins to count "1, 2, 3..."

and POW!  He jabs her with a needle.

This is how we make babies.

Just to give you an idea of what I go through on a daily basis, here is my daily delicious cocktail:
7:30am  Menopur - shot in the stomach (hurts like a mutha!)
8:30am  Dr. Chantilis' office - blood work and sonogram
7:30pm  Lupron - shot in the thigh (does not hurt - inner thigh is the best place)
7:31pm  Gonal F - shot in the stomach (takes a while, but doesn't hurt)
Repeat next day for 4 weeks

From L to R:  Gonal F, Lupron, Progesterone (taken after retrieval), Menopur

Not pictured:  Ovadrel

Notice that each medicine has a different syringe and even though you can't tell in the picture, each syringe has a different size needle.  Some are very small, but some are very big...

This is the syringe I'll have to use for my progesterone shots after they remove my eggs from my follicles (sometime in the next week or two).  The progesterone shot will go in my back, near my upper gluts in the muscle.  The nurses don't even try to sugar coat it.  "It's going to hurt!"  is what they tell me. 

Gee, I can't wait...

A face only a mother could love. Are you sure?

So, sometimes I get really bored at work.  I mean, really really bored.  Today was no exception so to occupy my time, I decided to see if there was a website where I could find out what a baby that Josh and I made would look like.  The results were NOT pretty.  Or handsome.  Or cute.

Maybe we should quit while we're ahead...

Here is the website that created this monster... Have fun!  :-)

http://www.morphthing.com/

¡Muchas Gracias, Amigas!

I have mentioned on this blog several times how much it means to be there for someone or couples that are dealing with infertility issues and going through the process of trying to conceive. 

I realized that as I continue to pass that message along, I need to acknowledge the people that have been so kind to be there for me while Josh and I go through this as well.  So, here goes...

To the following ladies (and in no particular order):
HHL, CZT, LBJ and SGH... Thank you!  Your positive thoughts, messages, concerns and insight means more to me than you could ever imagine!  Thanks for your messages when I least expected them.  They always made me smile!  Through you, I have become much more optimistic and have a better understanding not only about what I'm going through, but also take comfort in the fact that you know what it's like on this side and you came out victorious!  That gives me a hope I had temporarily lost. 

Again, thanks for reaching out to me.  It means so much to me and I truly love you for it!  I can't say it enough - THANK YOU!

XOXO

Let’s talk about “effects”, Babeee

For the past week I have been taking an injection of Lupron once a day in the thigh. As with most medications, Lupron has some fun and wonderful side effects. Here are a few of my favorites so far…

This medication may cause nausea, vomiting (twice in 3 days), hot flashes, night sweats, bone pain (on Saturday in my hips), swelling of feet and ankles, headache (every single day), or difficulty urinating the first few days as your body adjusts to the medication. Notify your doctor if these symptoms continue or become bothersome. This medication may cause reduced sexual desire, rapid heartbeat (occasionally), chest pain, breathing difficulties, fever, chills, painful urination, and persistent irritation at the injection site (mildly every day). Tell your doctor immediately if any of these highly unlikely but very serious side effects occur: severe headache, vision changes (blurry), severe drowsiness (SOO tired), unusual or one-sided weakness.

Don't worry though, I have talked to my nurse and I do not need to be concerned about the side effects I’m experiencing (in red). They are not too bothersome – it's more like I just notice most of them from time to time.

I’ll reduce the amount of Lupron I inject in a few days, but will continue with the shot daily for at least another 15 days. Also in a few days, I’ll be adding 2 more injections to my daily diet of meds. These will be in my stomach and I’m sure will add to the side effects I’m currently enjoying. YAY!    :-|

Once, Twice, Three Times a Shot

To help you understand the process of IVF (in vitro), let me first explain the medications that are involved. Once you understand the medications, you’ll begin to get a sense of how invasive, time consuming and technical this whole process really is.


Let’s start at the beginning:

First there’s the good ole trusty, dusty, tried and true birth control pill. That’s right! To try and get pregnant, you start by taking the Pill. WTH?! That’s what I said!

Birth control pill is used to suppress the pituitary and to resolve any residual ovarian cyst from previous cycles. The pill also allows flexibility in IVF scheduling. Women who start menses at different times can have their cycles synchronized by the pill in order to start IVF treatment as a group.

I took the “BCP” for three weeks. Once you get to the placebo pill, you stop and hope that you’ll start your period within the next few days.

Cost of BCP? $4.00*

The next step is to begin taking Leuprolide Acetate “Lupron” shots in the thigh once a day for about a month. You start doing the Lupron shots about 5 days before you stop taking BCP.

Lupron, an injectable medication, is started near the end of the pill cycle to further suppress the pituitary. The pill is eventually discontinued while Lupron is continued into the next phase to maintain pituitary suppression.

To be honest, the Lupron shot does not hurt, but you do have to be specific about the time you take it each day. Lucky for me, Josh is available to administer all of my shots for me because I am way too chicken to do it myself!

Cost of Lupron? $129.00*

Two weeks in to your Lupron shots to the thigh, you add in a couple more fun little shots to the mix. For me, I’ll be taking Gonal-F and Menopur. Gonal-F has a sister drug called Follitism, but my insurance only covers Gonal-F. They are one in the same.

These shots are taken in the belly. Menpur is taken in the morning, while Lupron and Gonal-F are taken in the evenings.

Ovarian stimulation is initiated once there is sufficient suppression of the pituitary, as evident by a low estradiol level and quiet ovaries on the sonogram. The injectable medications used to stimulate the ovaries (Bravelle, Follistim, Gonal-f, Repronex) are actually LH and FSH, the same hormones normally produced by the pituitary. Close monitoring of the ovaries with blood works and sonograms is essential during this period to ensure optimal egg development and avoid complications.

Once again, these shots are painless. The biggest pain is giving yourself three shots a day for what seems like eternity!


Cost of Gonal-F? $780.00*
Cost of Menopur? $79.90*

During the entire time that you are taking these shots, you are also going to the doctor on a weekly basis (sometimes one to three times a week) while they monitor the growth of your follicles and test your hormone levels.


Once your follicles are measured and are a specific size, you’ll give yourself another shot in the belly called Ovidrel (HCG).

Human Chorionic Gonadotropin (HCG) injection is given when the follicles reach mature sizes. HCG induces the eggs to undergo the final maturation. It also causes the eggs to be detached from the wall of the follicles to facilitate their removal.

Cost of Ovidrel? $44.25*


As you can see, there are a LOT of medications, time and energy involved during the IVF process. Those factors in addition to cost (IVF can cost up to $12,000 out-of-pocket) is why this is something that most couples can only afford to do once or twice in a lifetime.

AND I didn’t even get in to the awesome side effects! That’s a whole other blog…

If you or anyone you know is going through IVF, please try to be understanding of everything they are doing and going through to add to their family. It’s a rough ride, but a good one in the long run if it works.

*Prices listed above are from the pharmacy that I have to go through for insurance purposes.

Resources:  http://www.ivfmd.net/Treatment/treatment2.htm
 

Shot to the Thigh and Josh is to Blame, Darlin' we give IVF a BAD name!

So since I haven't written in a while, I thought I'd let you in on what's going on with us.  We have decided to try IVF (also known as in vitro) this round. 

I'm not going to get in to too much detail because it's such a personal and invasive process, but here are the basics:

IVF refers to the creation of embryos by placing sperm and eggs in a test tube or culture dish in a laboratory setting. Oocytes (eggs) must be obtained by stimulating the ovaries with FSH or hMG fertility drugs (given as daily injections) because many eggs are required to produce enough quality embryos for transfer.


During an IVF cycle, once the eggs mature, they are retrieved in a procedure termed transvaginal oocyte retrieval (surgery requiring anestesia). Patients are instructed to inject hCG approximately 36 hours prior to egg retrieval to mimic the natural cycle release of LH.  IVF oocyte (egg) retrieval is performed in an operating room under light sedation using intravenous anesthesia. The oocyte retrieval procedure involves the passage of a needle through the thin posterior wall of the vagina into the ovarian follicles and aspirating the oocytes.




Sperm (this is where Josh is needed) is processed and used to fertilize the oocytes and create embryos. These embryos are allowed to grow in the incubator for an additional 3 to 5 days (in a petri dish) before being transferred (back in to me). If blastocyst transfer is attempted, the embryos will incubated until they have differentiated into two distinct cell types, usually 5-7 days.



Once the embryos mature, the patient is scheduled for embryo transfer. The transfer procedure uses a small catheter inserted through the cervix using ultrasound guidance, which places the embryos directly into the uterus with the hope that at least one will implant in the endometrium (lining of the uterus), and result in a pregnancy.

This description is very clinical (thanks Dr. Chantilis), but this is what we're going through.  This process takes approximately 2 months from start to pregnancy test and requires a lot of medications, injections, doctor's appointments, time, energy, emotion, and money.  Josh and I are very fortunate in that we have amazing insurance and can try IVF multiple times if it doesn't work this first time, but we're praying feverishly that that won't be necessary. 

If you have any advice or words of wisdom, don't be shy... I need all the advice and encouragement I can get!  Prayers work too!  xoxo

Resources: http://www.dfwivf.com/ivf-in-vitro-fertilization.html

Hi little Nugget!